Rude comments

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SELECT TOP 500
  bad_word, id AS [Comment Link]
FROM (
  SELECT 
    id, text,
    CASE
      WHEN lower(text) LIKE '%asshole%'  THEN 'asshole'
      WHEN lower(text) LIKE '%arsehole%' THEN 'arsehole'
      WHEN lower(text) LIKE '%crap%'     THEN 'crap'
      WHEN lower(text) LIKE '%bastard%'  THEN 'bastard'
      WHEN lower(text) LIKE '%bitch%'    THEN 'bitch'
      WHEN lower(text) LIKE '%bollocks%' THEN 'bollocks'
      WHEN lower(text) LIKE '%bugger%'   THEN 'bugger'
      WHEN lower(text) LIKE '%cunt%'     THEN 'cunt'
      WHEN lower(text) LIKE '%dick%'     THEN 'dick'
      WHEN lower(text) LIKE '%dumb%'     THEN 'dumb'
      WHEN lower(text) LIKE '%fuck%'     THEN 'fuck'
      WHEN lower(text) LIKE '%hell%'     THEN 'hell'
      WHEN lower(text) LIKE '%idiot%'    THEN 'idiot'
      WHEN lower(text) LIKE '%imbecile%' THEN 'imbecile'
      WHEN lower(text) LIKE '%jerk%'     THEN 'jerk'
      WHEN lower(text) LIKE '%jesus%'    THEN 'jesus'
      WHEN lower(text) LIKE '%moron%'    THEN 'moron'
      WHEN lower(text) LIKE '%nigger%'   THEN 'nigger'
      WHEN lower(text) LIKE '%piss%'     THEN 'piss'
      WHEN lower(text) LIKE '%pussy%'    THEN 'pussy'
      WHEN lower(text) LIKE '%retard%'   THEN 'retard'
      WHEN lower(text) LIKE '%shit%'     THEN 'shit'
      WHEN lower(text) LIKE '%shut up%'  THEN 'shut up'
      WHEN lower(text) LIKE '%slut%'     THEN 'slut'
      WHEN lower(text) LIKE '%stupid%'   THEN 'stupid'
      WHEN lower(text) LIKE '%turd%'     THEN 'turd'
      WHEN lower(text) LIKE '%whore%'    THEN 'whore'
    END AS bad_word
  FROM comments
) t
WHERE bad_word IS NOT NULL
ORDER BY LEN(text) ASC

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